OVERVIEW: Language: Information Structure 2
Problem Text
The results indicated that an increased intake of dietary cholesterol would be likely to increase the concentration of cholesterol in the blood. Subjects were aged ~50-60 years. The report is limited to a study of a particular age group and is not really indicative of the general population.
The following rewrite is more concise and makes more sense:
The results indicated that an increased intake of dietary cholesterol would be likely to increase the concentration of cholesterol in the blood. This result, however, is limited to a study of a particular age group as subjects were aged ~(50-60) years.
You can avoid writing passages which have no clear focus if you understand how information and ideas are transferred from sentence to sentence (or clause to clause).
